Wednesday, February 1, 2012

"For we walk by faith, not by sight"

Monroe and I are not private about the fact that we are struggling to start a family. We are very open about what struggles we have, but I am not going to make this a fertility (or lack there of) blog. We believe with all that we are that the Lord has put these "hurdles" in our life for a purpose. I have a deep desire to help women who are facing the same issues that I am, and that we are as a couple. So here is a quick not detailed version of what we are facing but most importantly how the Lord is working in this process.

When we first decided over the Summer that it was (finally) the right time to start a family Monroe really felt strongly about not wanting to not tell anyone and surprise people once we were pregnant, which we thought was going to happen quickly. This was so hard for me to keep a secret, I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember, the time was finally here, we were trying! I pretty much knew within 2 months that something was not right with my body. After 2 different doctors we landed in Dr. Haddock's office. Our first meeting with her we knew she was the perfect doctor for us. It does help that her mother in law is good friends with Grammie :o) what a small world, and what a HUGE blessing. She was quick to get things moving and get me with all the best doctors in Dallas. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, uterine abnormalities, and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), all making it difficult to conceive and to sustain a pregnancy.

We went and saw Dr. Pinto our Reproductive Endocrinologist on Monday and I will be having surgery in March to correct my uterine abnormalities. I have known since the Spring that I had this problem, but I had been so against surgery and so sure that I wan't going to have to have it done. Dr. Haddock told right before I went to VA for Christmas that she had consulted with Dr. Pinto and it was her advice to have it fixed. From this point on I have been terrified to have surgery, I mean really paralyzed with fear, all along knowing in my heart that it was the right thing to do and would just put us 1 step closer to baby Campbell. After our appointment with Dr. Pinto on Monday I have such an overwhelming sense of peace about the whole thing. I know that it is the power of prayer, I have been covered in prayers from my family and sweet friends. God has given me a peace about this procedure and I am ready to get it done and move on. That being said, yes I am still nervous, but it is no longer all consuming. 

PCOS is a mean little "disorder" as I like to call it. :o) This is where I am passionate about wanting to help other women with the same issue. It is a secretive, hush hush disease that nobody wants to talk about, and it wrecks total havoc on your body. From changes in my hair, my skin and my weight it is a constant reminder every time I look in the mirror that my body isn't working the way that it should be. I am trying so hard to think of a way to reach out to others with this disease, and well maybe this blog post can be a start. I am meeting with a wonderful nutritionist and she has some ideas of ways that we can maybe help people, so I will keep you updated.

I have my days where I am angry or I am sad, or really just feel sorry for myself that my tummy looks pregnant from medication but really there is not a baby in there. However, I have made the decision that I will NOT let this get the best of me or our marriage. I have no doubt in my mind that Monroe and I will be parents one day. I love to be around my friends that are pregnant or have babies, I  mean babies have always been a passion of mine, just because it't not our time doesn't mean I have to avoid people with babies or all things baby associated. In fact it helps me to be around children; my favorite day of the week is Thursday when I spend the evenings volunteering at Children's Hospital. God has really taught us a lot through all of this, and I know that we will grow more as we continue to go through this. Honestly, when really thinking about it there are more positive things that have come from this challenge so far than negative, and that is the Lord working. I do know one thing for sure, there is no other person in the world I would want to face this with other than Monroe. He has been a constant source of encouragement, he has honestly been my rock and I couldn't have gotten to where I am without him holding my hand. He has put up with the hormone swings, the bad memory, the tiredness, he has endured many doctors visits and trips to the lab just to have blood taken. I love you AMC and I am so thankful for all that you do for me. 

So all this being said, I am thankful that the Lord has placed these "hurdles" in our life, it has really made us better people and has drawn us closer to Him.

15 comments:

  1. I just absolutely love you and your sweet, gentle heart. You are such a strong person and I know the Lord will bless you both with an amazing and beautiful little bundle and I can't wait for that day already!

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  2. Katie, you are an inspiration to me. You have such a great outlook on this situation and I truly admire your positivity. Congrats on stepping out with this struggle to help others. Infertility is such a hush hush issue that impacts so many women. It's great that you aren't suffering in silence!

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  3. Crazily, I started writing a post (still writing it!) this week about my journey through infertility. My relationship with God became so much more real when I was going through infertility and it changed my life. I am so thankful for my miracle and praying daily for you and Monroe to have a miracle of your own.

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  4. Visiting from Kelly's Korner- just wanted to stop by and pray for you and your husband. My husband and I tried for 3.5 years before we were finally blessed with a baby and it was a long 3.5 years. It would have been much shorter had we caught my uterine abnormalities early, and probably would have prevented us from losing our first baby. I've had a laparoscopy and 2 hysteroscopy's, and once I was all healed we finally conceived. The surgeries were so easy- you really have nothing to worry about! Just continue to pray and envision your little one when it gets too overwhelming.

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  5. Also visiting from Kelly's Korner: I too just got a PCOS diagnosis. It truly is a silent disease. Thank you for being willing to be open about it. It's nice to know there are other "silent sufferers" out there. Best wishes to you!

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  6. Visiting from Kelly's blog. I also had uterine abnormalities.....I think I had what was called a Septate Uterus. Had surgery. We tried 6 IUI's and one IVF. We actually ended up adopting and it has been a special blessing....but I still remember feeling so.......like life was unfair at times. You have a great outlook. God is good all the time and even though I don't know you, I will pray for you.

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  7. Visiting from Kelly's Korner. I have PCOS, too. And I agree it's a "mean, little disorder."

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  8. I am visiting from Kelly's blog too. Thank you for being so open about your struggle which so many of us share. I too have PCOS along with other issues. In my post Praise You in This Storm I wrote how God used this most difficult times to draw me near Him, to teach me to rely on His will instead of mine. Today we are blessed with a three year old and 11 month old girls. I will be keeping you and your sweet family in my prayers. As my RE said: It is not IF you become parents, it is WHEN.

    http://teaganstravels.blogspot.com/

    In Jesus' Name, Michelle

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  9. I found you through Kelly's Korner and I am also from the Dallas area! I know the Lord will bless you one day with a baby!! I'm praying for you!!

    Elizabeth
    www.bryceandliz.blogspot.com

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  10. Another reader from Kelly's blog, here! I took a little peak around your blog and your beauty is so radiant, from the inside out. I've never walked through the struggles of infertility, but my heart aches for those who do. Saying a prayer for you and your Husband.

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  11. I am one of Kelly's blog followers also. I suffer with PCOS and although I am not yet trying to get pregnant, I would love to know what you are doing nutrition wise to help combat this nasty little issue.

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  12. Thank you for your encouragement. We have a very similar situation. I had surgery to correct my uterus issue, and last month found out I am having some cyst issues. He mentioned PCOS, but did not diagnosis it yet. We are waiting to see if the cyst I had went away on it's on. I'm praying for you. If you ever want to discuss, vent, etc.. feel free to email me. brandyr01@yahoo.com

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  13. I follow Kelly's blog and found your blog through her link-up. Yes, I'm a little late on commenting, haha. Anyway, I too suffer from PCOS. After a surgery on my ovaries, working with an RE doing numerous treatments, and 6 years of infertility, I finally conceived my daughter (who is now 2 years old). We also now have a son (who is 7 weeks old). However, my journey with PCOS is far from over. I am your newest blog follower and will be praying for you!

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  14. I found your blog through Kelly's as well. I can relate to what you are going through. PCOS and infertility just plain suck. I believe, like you, there is a reason for this hurdle in our life. Praying!

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  15. I just found your blog, and I appreciate this post more then you could ever know. I've been on the fence regarding discussing my infertility on my blog. Its so nice to find other women that know what you are going through! thanks for the inspiration!

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