Monroe and I are not private about the fact that we are struggling to start a family. We are very open about what struggles we have, but I am not going to make this a fertility (or lack there of) blog. We believe with all that we are that the Lord has put these "hurdles" in our life for a purpose. I have a deep desire to help women who are facing the same issues that I am, and that we are as a couple. So here is a quick not detailed version of what we are facing but most importantly how the Lord is working in this process.
When we first decided over the Summer that it was (finally) the right time to start a family Monroe really felt strongly about not wanting to not tell anyone and surprise people once we were pregnant, which we thought was going to happen quickly. This was so hard for me to keep a secret, I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember, the time was finally here, we were trying! I pretty much knew within 2 months that something was not right with my body. After 2 different doctors we landed in Dr. Haddock's office. Our first meeting with her we knew she was the perfect doctor for us. It does help that her mother in law is good friends with Grammie :o) what a small world, and what a HUGE blessing. She was quick to get things moving and get me with all the best doctors in Dallas. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, uterine abnormalities, and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), all making it difficult to conceive and to sustain a pregnancy.
We went and saw Dr. Pinto our Reproductive Endocrinologist on Monday and I will be having surgery in March to correct my uterine abnormalities. I have known since the Spring that I had this problem, but I had been so against surgery and so sure that I wan't going to have to have it done. Dr. Haddock told right before I went to VA for Christmas that she had consulted with Dr. Pinto and it was her advice to have it fixed. From this point on I have been terrified to have surgery, I mean really paralyzed with fear, all along knowing in my heart that it was the right thing to do and would just put us 1 step closer to baby Campbell. After our appointment with Dr. Pinto on Monday I have such an overwhelming sense of peace about the whole thing. I know that it is the power of prayer, I have been covered in prayers from my family and sweet friends. God has given me a peace about this procedure and I am ready to get it done and move on. That being said, yes I am still nervous, but it is no longer all consuming.
PCOS is a mean little "disorder" as I like to call it. :o) This is where I am passionate about wanting to help other women with the same issue. It is a secretive, hush hush disease that nobody wants to talk about, and it wrecks total havoc on your body. From changes in my hair, my skin and my weight it is a constant reminder every time I look in the mirror that my body isn't working the way that it should be. I am trying so hard to think of a way to reach out to others with this disease, and well maybe this blog post can be a start. I am meeting with a wonderful nutritionist and she has some ideas of ways that we can maybe help people, so I will keep you updated.
I have my days where I am angry or I am sad, or really just feel sorry for myself that my tummy looks pregnant from medication but really there is not a baby in there. However, I have made the decision that I will NOT let this get the best of me or our marriage. I have no doubt in my mind that Monroe and I will be parents one day. I love to be around my friends that are pregnant or have babies, I mean babies have always been a passion of mine, just because it't not our time doesn't mean I have to avoid people with babies or all things baby associated. In fact it helps me to be around children; my favorite day of the week is Thursday when I spend the evenings volunteering at Children's Hospital. God has really taught us a lot through all of this, and I know that we will grow more as we continue to go through this. Honestly, when really thinking about it there are more positive things that have come from this challenge so far than negative, and that is the Lord working. I do know one thing for sure, there is no other person in the world I would want to face this with other than Monroe. He has been a constant source of encouragement, he has honestly been my rock and I couldn't have gotten to where I am without him holding my hand. He has put up with the hormone swings, the bad memory, the tiredness, he has endured many doctors visits and trips to the lab just to have blood taken. I love you AMC and I am so thankful for all that you do for me.
So all this being said, I am thankful that the Lord has placed these "hurdles" in our life, it has really made us better people and has drawn us closer to Him.