Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Emotions of Infertility Part 3 - Fear

Fear, is something I have felt a lot through our journey. I have been fearful of medical procedures, and results; but the fear of never having a child of our own outweighs any fear of the medical fears. This is the best way I can describe it, when you desire to have a child, it is almost as it becomes a basic need such as food and water are to live.

Many people describe the journey of infertility as a "roller coaster", this is an understatement. There are so many ups and downs while traveling this road, that a roller coaster such as that would be illegal. Just as most of us have a bit of fear when stepping on and strapping into a ride, there is that same sense of fear when starting a new cycle. What will the ups and downs be? Will I stay up and then come crashing down as our last cycle went, or will we never really get going, or will me MAYBE get to finish the ride and finally get off this roller coaster.

My whole life I have had an extreme fear of the doctors, just ask my mom about how much she dreaded taking me as a child. I somehow managed to manipulate my way about of blood work numerous times, it was so bad that one of the doctors at my pediatricians office would make a nurse come in and tell me I had to have labs done. I have gotten much better through all this, although I still can not stand blood work and have to lie down and have them use the baby needle. Through every shot, lab work, ultrasound, endometrial scratching and surgery, I do it, fearfully, but I do it. I know that it is my only way to get that precious child in my arms, I have to suck it up trust in the Lord to give me strength and just do it.

I came across this verse from 1 Chronicles the other day and it really made me think. "David also said to Solomon, his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished." 1 Chronicles 28:20 The Lord is with me and Monroe each step of the way, we must be strong and courageous and do the work, we know the Lord is always by our side guiding each step we make.




My doctors off posted this on their facebook page last week and I really liked it. There are many times when the fear and despair feel like its too much, but we won't give up until we have that cutie in our arms. 

Laura Story's song Blessings has always been one of my favorites, but it has helped me thorough some of my most fearful moments. 




5 comments:

  1. I'm always impressed with your strength and courage and your ability to write about it. I really think you described it perfectly. And its really hard for other people to understand, unless you've gone through it. I am soooo thankful for your your blog and that you are so honesty about your feeligs. Praying for you!

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  2. Lonely is another word I would use to describe infertility. I felt like my husband was the only other person in the world that could understand what I specifically was going through, and even he didn't fully understand because he is not the one that has the fertility challenge. I went through 3 rounds of IVF, multiple miscarriages as well as 6 prior years of fertility treatment. Invaded only scratches the surface of how I felt. And just when my husband and I decided we were done, Dr. Rychlik counseled us and guided us and ultimately we decided on one final try. God blessed me with a baby girl, probably one of the most wanted and most planned babies ever! Its hard to believe, but I can't even remember how much my heart ached as I journeyed through infertility.

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  3. Hi! Found you through CJ link-up! I'm your newest follower! Hope you'll follow back!

    xo
    jen

    https://alittlebitofcitylife.blogspot.com

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  4. I hope you can get off this roller coaster soon! Nothing about this journey is easy! Great quote. Hope you have a nice week.

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  5. Dear Katie,

    I guess at one point in our lives,our challenge is so great that our only option is to move ahead or give up.Im happy to read that you are one person who would never give up and dared to take the challenge.You are a source of inspiration.I am your newest follower.I found you via Mouthwatering Monday blog hop.

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