Many people describe the journey of infertility as a "roller coaster", this is an understatement. There are so many ups and downs while traveling this road, that a roller coaster such as that would be illegal. Just as most of us have a bit of fear when stepping on and strapping into a ride, there is that same sense of fear when starting a new cycle. What will the ups and downs be? Will I stay up and then come crashing down as our last cycle went, or will we never really get going, or will me MAYBE get to finish the ride and finally get off this roller coaster.
My whole life I have had an extreme fear of the doctors, just ask my mom about how much she dreaded taking me as a child. I somehow managed to manipulate my way about of blood work numerous times, it was so bad that one of the doctors at my pediatricians office would make a nurse come in and tell me I had to have labs done. I have gotten much better through all this, although I still can not stand blood work and have to lie down and have them use the baby needle. Through every shot, lab work, ultrasound, endometrial scratching and surgery, I do it, fearfully, but I do it. I know that it is my only way to get that precious child in my arms, I have to suck it up trust in the Lord to give me strength and just do it.
I came across this verse from 1 Chronicles the other day and it really made me think. "David also said to Solomon, his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished." 1 Chronicles 28:20 The Lord is with me and Monroe each step of the way, we must be strong and courageous and do the work, we know the Lord is always by our side guiding each step we make.
My doctors off posted this on their facebook page last week and I really liked it. There are many times when the fear and despair feel like its too much, but we won't give up until we have that cutie in our arms.
Laura Story's song Blessings has always been one of my favorites, but it has helped me thorough some of my most fearful moments.