Friday, June 21, 2013

Keep on Fighting

A little over a month ago I wrote that we were about to start our first round of IVF. I thought that my next post about our journey to a baby would be documenting the egg retrieval, and the number of embryos we had, and the transfer, and how many embryos we were able to freeze. Unfortunately, I don't get to write that post this month.

Last Friday 6 days into the Menopur (the follicle stimulating) injections my estrogen hadn't climbed at all, in fact it fell. My estradiol was only at 22 when it should have been over 1000 at least. I had gone to the doctors that morning and could see from my ultrasound that we didn't have much follicle development, I had a lot they just were not measurable at all. I thought that only being 6 days into to the actual stim part of the cycle we still had time; and from past experience I knew that I was a "late bloomer".  After getting home Dr. Miller called and explained to me that I just wasn't responding the way I should and that we had over suppressed me with the birth control as well as with the Lupron injections, and that we would be calling off the cycle. I honestly had no clue this was coming, I knew my numbers were low but I was totally shocked and devastated. Just a short while after talking to Dr. Miller, my nurse Susan called and explained everything to me, I tried to understand through my tears and my mind spinning but I knew I would have to call her back to get all of the information she was giving me again. Just 15 days into this cycle we had to give up all hope that this was our month.

Over the past 2 years through this journey I have had my low moments, but never a moment where I felt like I couldn't go on, something I actually prided myself on, well, here was my moment. This was our month, I honestly thought I was going to be pregnant, I was SO positive this was going to work. It never crossed my mind that we wouldn't get pregnant, let alone have to call off the cycle. I had just had my pre-op that morning, how was the cycle being called off?

Monroe and I decided that we would go and visit my parents for a few days to get our mind off of everything. We booked a flight and were on our way. It was so fun because we were able to surprise my Daddy on his birthday, and be able to share Father's Day with him and my Papa. We really did have a great time while we were home.  It was so nice to be able to have fun with my parents and have so much support.

So where are we now? We are "sitting out" yet another month. I am being given hormone supplements through patches, pills and creams to mimic a natural cycle. On July 10th, I will stop all the supplements and we will start a different IVF protocol. (I will share more about that protocol once I get more information and understand it more). I have done a complete diet overhaul, doing an "infertility diet" (more on that to come), and eating lots of foods that increase estrogen and staying away from all foods that block estrogen. I still hurt, but I have found hope in this next cycle and am choosing to believe just as much as I did for this cycle. We are discouraged but know that each set back puts us one step closer to being parents because the doctors are figuring out what will work for us. We are trusting that the Lord has a purpose in that sudden stop of that round of IVF and that His timing is better than ours.

I have said this before but once again I am just so humbled by the love of my friends and family. Thank you for letting me vent, cry, and be angry. Thank you so much for your sweet phone calls and texts, and care packages. I just love ya'll so much, you really have no idea.

I thought I would share a few pictures from while we were in Alexandria visiting my parents, we sure did have fun.

Right after we got there Friday night! Happy Birthday Daddy!!
Luigi's! Mommy and daddy used to go on dates here and it has always been a family favorite. I just love DC
This was our first time to Luigi's together. 
At The Birchmere is Alexandria 

We were excited for the concert to start

Silly daddy and hubby


  1. Sorry about your cancelled cycle. It is so hard when you have so much hope in one cycle, but those ups and downs are apart of this whole infertility process. Prayers for your month off and for your next steps!

  2. I am so sorry about this last month. I came across the quote by Christopher Reeve and thought is was very fitting: " Once you choose hope, anything is possible." Hoping and praying for the best in July.

  3. Girl, I am so sorry for your struggles, but I know that God has a plan for your family. Keep positive and know that I am praying for you and Monroe. Love you!!

  4. Thinking of you Katie! I know God has a plan! Hang in there! xoxo, Joy

  5. still continuing to pray for you in this journey. The hardest part is understanding why God is putting you on this path. I cant imagine your pain. Will continue to pray!

  6. I can relate. I hated it when people told me that it would happen "when I least expected it". Yeah right.... My husbear and I tried for four years and 2 of them where with fertility experts. I was on so much hormones shots and everything I was miserable. We even tried IVI which is a step down from IVF. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle the emotional roller coaster of ups and downs. My hubby and I started to grow apart instead of coming together in a time of need. I decided to stop trying and just relax.... now it's been 2 years and all the emotional pain is gone now. We decided to be childless and I'm actually okay with that... we both are. I'm living for "our relationship" now and am the happiest I could be. I know it's hard. The only thing that helped me was to hear others stories and confirmed that the emotions that I was feeling were what they had felt too. I was angry for a long time but that has passed. I wish you guys all the luck in the world.I totally understand your pain.

  7. Please feel free to come on over to where there is a lot of wonderful support for Christian women dealing with infertility and loss.

  8. I'm so sorry your IVF was cancelled. I know how disappointed I was when that happened to me. I'm so glad you found my blog. I look forward to following your journey as well. Good luck to you! I'm totally interested in hearing your next protocol. When will your doctor tell you what it is?

  9. Bless your heart for sharing your struggles. I also struggle with infertility, been trying for about 2 years but haven't seen a feritlity specialist yet, that is the next step for us. I really appreciate your honesty & you will be in my prayers!


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